hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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