why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize