I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sex in a hospital.. check
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
