I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
