May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
