Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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