He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
