i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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