He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
