the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
