I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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