Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
