I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
