why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
