It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize