His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
