I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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