I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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