Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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