i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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