The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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