I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he thought i was a dude.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
