Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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