I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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