you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize