I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
