I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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