i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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