so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
