I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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