i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
