Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
