So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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