I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
