From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
