He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
