Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
