Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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