she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
