I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
