I think i peed on brittanys purse
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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