I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize