It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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