We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
