Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
