Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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