We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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