She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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