I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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