I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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