i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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