$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
