she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
