so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
