can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize