I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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