$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
