best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
