Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
