and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
