4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize