i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
