when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
