She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
