This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
