what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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