I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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