Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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