don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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