i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
