my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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