ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
