She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
